comfy time.

Sometimes jeans and flats and a t-shirt is all I need to feel good. And a pretty necklace. Sometimes I just need to be comfortable.

In other news, my hair is now long enough for pig tails! I have always loved pig tails, and this really made me happy!

Birthdays + Girls' Sleepover + Sparklers = THE BEST.

Sparklers and slow exposure cameras are some of the small joys in life. So are life long girl friends. 

Life lately.

(unrelated picture that makes me happy. source unknown.)

From my teen years on, I jumped from addiction to addiction. I believe a lot of my problems come from one of the worst and most destructive addictions: food.

I have always gone through times of not caring about my body and the weight that I gained. This past year, something changed for me. I gained inspiration from friends, I learned more about healthy living, I finally felt like I could do it. So I started trying to lose weight with the help of some friends. In five months, I lost sixteen pounds. That was huge for me! I had never lost that much weight in such little time, and I felt so good. Over the summer, I do not know what happened, but something was lost in me, and I gained back all the weight and more.

A few weeks ago, I gained inspiration again. I don't know if it was seeing an old friend, making a lovely dinner with my boy, or possibly thinking about maybe having a wedding sometime... but I felt on fire again to get control of my body issues. Three weeks ago I started counting calories and going to the gym as much as I could. I understand the reservations that some have with counting calories, and it does not work for everyone, but it worked for me, and I know I can make it work again.

I have heard the piece of advice that you should never start a diet that you cannot maintain for the rest of your life. Counting calories is not something that I plan to do for the rest of my life, but while I am still in this vulnerable, rocky period of having this food addiction, I feel like it is the best thing for me. It brings about such a major change in my mood at the end of the day, knowing everything that I put into my mouth. And I no longer go to bed feeling fat and guilty. I feel hopeful.

Wine tasting in Temecula, part 3.

I have already started making plans with Tim to go again next summer. Seriously, best time ever. 

A post about fashion.

I have no idea the exact moment, but about six months ago I started to become interested in fashion and shoes. Oh boy, shoes. I NEVER cared about the shoes I wore in high school or college. Converse were a staple in my outfits and I wore them until they had too many holes to function anymore. I remember telling Tim one day, "I don't want to dress frumpy anymore." And from them on, I tried to be more conscious of what I was wearing. Not because I care that much about fashion (or even shoes) but I just like looking presentable and actually taking care of my body.

I don't do outfit posts very often because this blog is not all about clothes, but sometimes it is fun to go out with Tessa and take pictures. Especially when I find an outfit that is as comfortable and cute as this one. I was proud.

Wine tasting in Temecula, part 2.

The BEST day off ever. 

Wine tasting in Temecula, part 1.

That picture of the five of us took a lot of effort to get, but I do love it. These pictures all make me so happy.

I used to love to cry.

I used to love to cry.

I never found anything wrong with having a good cry. You do not make a playlist titled ‘In Need of a Good Cry’ if you do not like to cry. You do not put ‘crying’ on your list of ‘healthy ways to deal with stress’ if you do not like to cry. (It is number 6: between taking a walk and dancing in my underwear.)  

Six months ago, I would feel a good cry coming on from days away. This tension would build in my chest, knots in my back, shaky fingers. The only thing that would take this away was letting my stress out. But since I am stubborn I would not let this itching to cry get the best of me. I would hold it back, trying to be strong, until one day at an unknown moment, I would break down. Yet when it happened, I would feel this pressure being released from my chest. As the tears ran down my face, I would feel more alive, more beautiful. I would feel real and emotional and scared. But I would feel good.

Now things are different.

I feel ready to break down and cry all the time. When it hits me, I cannot hold it back and I cannot pretend to be strong. I give into the tears because they control me and I let them willingly fall down my face. I don’t feel beautiful or real, I feel weak and pathetic because I can no longer stop after five minutes. And I do not feel better afterwards. I feel so much more empty afterwards because I know that it will only be hours until the tears come again.

I want things to go back to the way they were. I want to not be stressed out all the time and feeling like a breakdown all the time. I want to be done with school already. I want to be stronger than I have been and give myself credit for where I have come from.

I want to feel like myself again. 

Six bits.

Cafe Veronese 

September with my love.

Last day!

OUR SHOP

Just some things you should know.

Dear future husband,
Since reading the Christy Miller books, I have written some letters to you. When I was 12 I thought it was the coolest thing to do because I did not know anyone in my life who I would ever date, let alone marry. I did not even want to get married until a few years ago. Now, I think I know who you are, at least I hope I do. So there might be some things you should know about me. About three times a year I get really bad cramps in my calf in the middle of the night. I will wake up screaming and crying (ask Tessa). I hope you will help me stretch out my leg and cuddle with me until I fall back asleep. Sometimes at 3 in the morning, I need to get in the car and drive to the beach. This also happens about three times a year, and I would want you to go with me. Most Saturdays if I do not have anything to do, I prefer to not have to put pants on all day long. I would like to dance in my underwear and I need you to be okay with that. I am an introvert and I am a homebody a lot of times. Other times I really need to get out and be around people. I hope you can deal with both sides of me. When I am sleeping, I like to have my whole body covered with blankets, except my feet. I can never sleep with my feet covered. Or with socks on. And please do not rub your socks against my bare feet, I can not think of anything worse. I say that I do not like Christmas that much, but I really do. I look forward to waking up on Christmas morning with you and having hot chocolate and giving you gifts. I love giving gifts. 


Just a few things I thought you should know.


-a

I think...

I think I would like to live in Italy for a year.
I think in a month I will be addicted to going to the gym.
I think there are worse things to be addicted to.
I think the day Tim comes back from a 4 day camping trip is the best day.
I think the next two years in school may just about kill me.
I think Ten Things I Hate About You will always be my favorite chick flick.
I think a glass of wine and a hot bath helps everything.
I think my sister might be able to read my mind sometimes.
I think Hebrews is a pretty amazing read.
I think old friends will always be missed.
I think there is always time for TV and reading.
I think I miss my nephew every day.
I think late night serious and silly conversations are my favorite.
I think Wednesday will be a good day.

Never Let Me Go.

I watched Never Let Me Go last Saturday. It was the best movie I have seen in a long time. I loved the cinematography, the music, the characters, the storyline. I cannot think of any part of it I did not love. There was a scene in the end with Andrew Garfield that literally had me holding my breath. There is something so beautiful and powerful about raw emotion. Watching someone having an emotion too powerful for words was a breathtaking experience. I cannot even express the way I felt after I finished the film. It made me want to cry, run out in the rain screaming my lungs off, kiss my boy, hug everyone I know. It made me want to feel alive.

Even talking about it is getting me into this restless feeling of wanting to do more than I am, wanting to be more than I am. I need to go write. I never feel more like myself than when I am writing in my journal.

Do the robot and come on over because...

We are having a 20% off EVERYTHING sale in our Etsy shop, YarnPlusYarn.

Sale is from Monday, September 19-Friday, September 23.
Use code 20percentsale at the time of checkout.

Craigslist, you've redeemed yourself.

I decided a while ago to turn my treehouse into business headquarters for my shop with Emily. I loved the idea of having a dresser to organize all our items in (and also because they were taking up so much space in my bedroom!). Tim suggested the idea of looking under the 'free' section on Craigslist. Last week I really searched, every day. I probably emailed at least 15 people asking about the dressers, and I was having the WORST luck with it. Sunday afternoon I happened to stumble upon a listing for a dresser and it was FREE. My mom, Tim, and I hopped in the van and headed to pick it up. It was an adventure to say the least, but we got her! Right now, she looks like a dresser from the 70's, but I have big plans for her. Big plans.

A great recipe.

Tim and I tried a new recipe on Sunday night for dinner. We really love the whole process of cooking together: from picking stuff out at the grocery store to scrambling around the kitchen trying to get everything done. It has become a really fun thing for us to do together. We found this recipe a long time ago, so I can't remember where it is from, but I will share it with you!

Here are the ingredients you need:

Grate pepper jack cheese and cut up some arugala. Mix together.

Cut open some chicken breasts and fill with the cheese and arugala. 

Cut up tomatoes, squash, and carrots.

Add squash, carrots, corn, and more arugala to a large pan with a bit of olive oil.

Add tomatoes last, then add lime juice.

Chicken is done.

And it all looks delicious.

Don't forget the ice cream for dessert.

XO.