Life lately.

(unrelated picture that makes me happy. source unknown.)

From my teen years on, I jumped from addiction to addiction. I believe a lot of my problems come from one of the worst and most destructive addictions: food.

I have always gone through times of not caring about my body and the weight that I gained. This past year, something changed for me. I gained inspiration from friends, I learned more about healthy living, I finally felt like I could do it. So I started trying to lose weight with the help of some friends. In five months, I lost sixteen pounds. That was huge for me! I had never lost that much weight in such little time, and I felt so good. Over the summer, I do not know what happened, but something was lost in me, and I gained back all the weight and more.

A few weeks ago, I gained inspiration again. I don't know if it was seeing an old friend, making a lovely dinner with my boy, or possibly thinking about maybe having a wedding sometime... but I felt on fire again to get control of my body issues. Three weeks ago I started counting calories and going to the gym as much as I could. I understand the reservations that some have with counting calories, and it does not work for everyone, but it worked for me, and I know I can make it work again.

I have heard the piece of advice that you should never start a diet that you cannot maintain for the rest of your life. Counting calories is not something that I plan to do for the rest of my life, but while I am still in this vulnerable, rocky period of having this food addiction, I feel like it is the best thing for me. It brings about such a major change in my mood at the end of the day, knowing everything that I put into my mouth. And I no longer go to bed feeling fat and guilty. I feel hopeful.